rudolphofvamps | 001. everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

Phone.
[Spike sounds oddly manic, not that you would know it was odd for him.]

I guess this is like a conference call, huh? So who's on the other end. [a few crickets...] Not sure what to make of all this, but. Haven't seen a phone like this since--[sudden throat clearing]

What do you lot do around here? Go to the drive-in with your steadies and buy big league chew at the game with your pop? It's all just a little [frightening?] too good to be true.

[muttering] Still not sure I'm not dreaming this up. [Or you know, still in a basement losing his mind.]

Action for 1448 Mitchell Road.
[Oh, Krillin, where are you? He'll only be terrified to see you.

He doesn't even know there's anyone else in the house, going to pour himself a bowl of cereal and ruffling up his hair. It feels bizarre and not at all right that his growling stomach actually wants human food.

But it feels good, too.]

Open Action.
[Spike is walking down Mitchell Road, but feel free to meet him anywhere he'll be walking a while. In slacks and a plain blue sweater, he's just, meandering, hands in his pockets as he tries not to feel the remnants of sunlight beat down on his back. It's so strange and wonderful to feel it and yet, what did he do to deserve it. Is this a new kind of Hell dimension where they torture you with kindness.

And then he bumps into you because--without vampire senses he's really the clumsiest person you've ever met. Actually, he's not that smooth with them either.] --Sorry. [Just make nice with the locals until you get the skinny, he keeps telling himself. Easier said than bloody done. This place was Stepford creepy and twice as annoying.]

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Wouldn't surprise me one bit. [Banter is actually calming him down. He doesn't want to strangle anything anymore. Much.]

This must be one special Hell, someone fluffed up the pillows just for us.

Yeah, well- [ How about they not talk about Anya. Xander much prefers pretending he actually cares enough to insult you today, Spike. Or really, just insulting something. ]

But they forgot to leave the mint on the pillow, i'm disappointed. I would've paid for better service than this. If I had the option.

[He's arching an eyebrow on his side of the line, and he can't resist even the childish retort.] Sure that's not all you pay for.

[ Oh that was a low blow, Spike. Now he's really offended. ] Wasn't I paying for your room and board, back home? Or was that someone else that just looked like you?

Never asked to be kept.

Well Buffy did and she vetoes your vote. And i'm just Switzerland.

And about as useless.

Hey, Switzerland did all kinds of useful things. Like make cheese and army knives. Where would we be without those?

Still in Hell, far as I can see.

Except we're missing all the fiery pits. I haven't seen any of those around yet.

Think about it, though, Harris. What better Hell dimension than the dream life. 2.5 kids, picket fence, and evil robots? It's right out of a horror.

It's definitely a hell dimension for the kid that has to be the .5.

Depends which half he gets to be.

You know, there's benefits to both halves.

Thinking you'd know that better than I would. [Who even knows what that means]

[ SO RUDE ] You say that like it's a bad thing. But just because i've been split in two once in my life doesn't mean I'm not all-me, all the time any more.

Still, that's more experience than I've got.

Even in your old age, guess you haven't been through everything.

Far from it. There's always something more to get tossed our way, huh? It's the Hellmouth way.

They should add that to the brochure. Come live at the Hellmouth, experience something new.

Sounds like a regular catchphrase. They should put you in charge of PR, Harris.

You think? I could have my very own PR office, spend the whole day making catchphrases. Sunnydale -- Where the sun only goes out during the apocalypse.

You could put that one on a button.

Or a t-shirt. No use limiting ourselves while the gettin's good.

001. everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

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